you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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