and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wear drunk well.
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