Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
