You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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