It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
