OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
