You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
