I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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