if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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