dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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