Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
