right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
