I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
