Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize