His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
