My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
