he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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