listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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