My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
