Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
