There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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