So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
