soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
