I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
