there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He has the fingertips of a God
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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