I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
