Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
