It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
