I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
