listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
