How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
