So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
