Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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