we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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