Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
