It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
