Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
