I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
