we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
