They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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