Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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