Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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