Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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