Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
