so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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