i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
