Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't turn off my feet"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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