U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
