Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
