Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
