my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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