I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
