He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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