we have pet lesbian snakes
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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