I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
