do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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