I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
third nipple confirmed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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