I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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