I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
