You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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