peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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