i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
