I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
