They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
